Since I started this class, I have faithfully listened to all of the calls and have been regularly speaking with Tara, my partner. I joined because I was hoping to get out there and start dating with confidence and only bring my authentic self to the table. Last week I realized another truth: I am not ready to date right now. The reason behind this truth is a new one for me. For the first time in my life, I’m starting to grieve my past failed relationships. I have been waves of sadness (the healthy kind; not depressive) and I’ve cried more since we started this class than I have since childhood. I’ve been doing this kick-ass meditation to honor my past loves. All of this and I am left feeling that there is still much to process and honor before I can start dating in a healthy, open way.
This realization is making it hard to perform the homework. I’m hitting some roadblocks. I’m not sure if it’s a good time to press pause and find a healthy way to process the loss of relationships and lovers. Do you have any suggestions on how to do that? I’ve honestly NEVER felt this way. I’ve prided myself in being able to move one- lightening fast- unaffected by breakups.
Some details I’ve discovered about myself in class:
My gifts I’ve discovered so far. 1) I fall hard and fast 2) I have a very, very tender heart 3) I’m highly empathic. My compensation for these gifts. 1) Jumping from committed long-term relationship to CLT relationship with very little time in between (definitely zero time to grieve the loss of the relationship.) 2) Being incredibly superficial when meeting men/dating and showing them a well-rehearsed persona but never the real me. 3) Having zero nurturing instinct- modeling from my mother…
Looking forward to what unfolds…