Deeper Dating Online › Forums › Wiser Path 2013 › 1/24 Class
01/24/2013 at 10:43 pm #790
Tonight’s class helped me so much, I thought it was great. I loved hearing that so many people were having breakthroughs (including myself) and looking deeply at their gifts and relationship patterns. I can’t tell everyone how good it feels to be among so many kindred spirits. For so long I’ve felt very alone in my intimacy struggles and my sensitivities. When I hear you all sharing I feel such a connection which in itself has really made me feel better. I don’t mean to say I’m celebrating that others struggle, just that I am heartened that there are people who value intimacy but are courageous enough to admit it doesn’t come easy to them.
Ken is such an wonderful and unique person. I’m so glad that he has chosen to share himself with other people. I feel that God led me to his blog and eventually to this class. Plus, I have a wonderful buddy who I enjoy talking with so much. I am feeling more encouraged every day.
Thank you all so much.01/25/2013 at 6:49 am #791
I thought it was a wonderful class, too (even with all the technology foibles).
A QUESTION FOR KEN:
When you spoke about about “the wave” you mentioned that when a person is experiencing the wave they should allow themselves the distance they need while remaining present in the relationship, and that they could/should communicate what they were going through to their partner. (If I heard that part right.) I just realized that in a recent relationship the other person may have been trying to communicate this with me. The presented several mental blocks they were going through to me. They didn’t say they weren’t interested in going forward, they were just saying where they were at (which was that they were worried about certain things.) In hindsight, I see that very might have been them experiencing the wave but trying to ride it out. (Maybe.) My reaction in the moment, however, was that I felt completely rejected and abandoned. They kept asking me to communicate why I was feeling and thinking but I found it impossible to do so. I shut down. I didn’t want to share ANYTHING about what I was thinking or feeling because I felt like the relationship was now OVER and therefore why should I have to share any of my interior thoughts?! In fact, I thought it was awful of him to even ask that, as opposed to just saying to me that the relationship had no future in his mind. My physical actions (after literally crying on his chest for a bit) was to physically leave his apartment and to state that I guess there wasn’t any point of my being there. When I talked to friends about it, I said he had “broken up” with me. In fact, he actually hadn’t. I had broke up with him because I didn’t like what I was hearing, and didn’t have any way to cope with what he was saying. In fact, in the moment, he said several times that he wanted me to talk with him and that (when I started to go) he didn’t want me to leave. I think he may have been “waving” and just sharing it with me but I had no idea what to do, as I had never been on the receiving end of that. My question, therefore, is: what are some possible responses when a partner tries to share that they are experiencing the wave?01/25/2013 at 6:51 am #792
PS, sorry all that what I write is so filled with typos. I hit enter before I read what I’ve written. Wish there was an “edit.”02/02/2013 at 2:00 pm #799
Thank you for your wonderful thoughts Kandice and for your question/insight, Tara. What a powerful insight you had; something you hadn’t seen before. I’m wondering if you might even be able to go back and share this with this person, though i realize that may not work of be fitting for you at this point-just wondering. It sounds like the way he hadled it was pretty open hearted. I think in a case like that it would be best to listen to what he had to say, share all your feelings, including hurt, and then take some time to talk to freinds and loved ones to see if this is something you’d be open to terying to move through. It’s a hard situation to be in, but you have a lot more tools now.
thanks for sharing that.
ken02/10/2013 at 8:06 pm #824
Sorry to be slow in responding to this thread. It’s a good one.
Like Kandice and Tara, I also really appreciate the sharing everyone is doing.
Tara, as I read your post, I completely understood why you would pull back from the hurt when that guy may have been “waving” as you call it. Ha. Your response seems so understandable, and I think I had a similar situation some years ago.
At the same time, I’m also really glad to read Ken’s response. In situations like these, I hope I can keep listening and sharing–at least, long enough to make sure that I’m not running from something positive that may be developing.
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